Rhoda and Angela are in the same business major. As a matter of fact, they meet in class just as often as they do in other settings. They’ve shared a rental apartment for so long that most people think they’re sisters. They’ve met each other’s parents, and know more about each other’s relatives and family histories than they do their own. Before Angela changed jobs, they were employed at the same place and carpooled to and from work every day. They witness each other’s excitement at new dating prospects. They support each other through one heartbreak after another. Angela has watched Rhoda find the love of her life, get married and start a family. Rhoda has looked after Angela’s toddler after a nasty break up with her child’s father prompted legal action. They are more family to each other than their own families back at home.
Angela and Rhoda are a small part of a larger international student community neatly tucked away in the middle of America’s bible belt. It is not uncommon for familiar strangers such as them to form tight-knit communities in the colleges and universities they find themselves in. They are both Kenyan, and although from different tribes, their shared nationality is enough to foster closeness and even a considerable sense of dependence.
Angela has had a child out of wedlock with a young African American student named Tony. Angela’s parents have been pressuring the pair to formalize what they believe to be an informal union particularly after Angela announced the pregnancy her third year in college. Tony is hesitant, stating that they are young, still in school and have the rest of their lives to figure out whether or not they want something so…permanent. He is also aware of the clash of values he experiences often with Angela. From the spanking of their young toddler, to the Kenyan cuisine he is not fond of, Angela’s Swahili conversations with Rhoda and other Kenyans also leave him feeling excluded. Angela is distraught, fearing the disgrace her parents will endure in a very conservative village in Kenya where they live. They have spent their life savings to give her the expensive private education few can afford. They had been cautioned that a girl child is easily enticed by all manner of ungodly western attitudes and would likely end up pregnant and unable to give back to the family that supports her. Her nightmare seems to materializing right in front of her very eyes.
There is a hierarchy in these circles, and being in the “in group” is a privilege not afforded to everyone. Immediate family and other relatives rank the highest, followed by close friends from home, and fellow tribe members as in same and similar nationalities. Other nationalities but of the same race, rank higher than other nationalities of different races/color. Other races rank the lowest, meaning they are the least likely to be permanently adopted into the “in group” or “inner circle”.
A crutch can become its own form of disability. Familiarity can breed comfort and self-righteous complacency. Groupthink rarely allows for new ways of thinking and doing things to take place. Sometimes people subconsciously seek out new experiences in the form of people from opposite walks of life as is evident with Angela and Tony. However, in order to integrate this new information there needs to be a willingness to release or adjust expectations and do things differently. If not, the pressure of leading two separate lives becomes unsustainable.
By Naomi Kessy
The Tanzanian Times 