After two months of going missing not only from her family but friends and co-workers; her concerned close friend decided to anonymously inform The Tanzanienne over Suzanne’s quietness. She briefly explained how hardworking and committed is her friend but something has always seemed to be off.
‘You can read all the sadness written on her face; from the body language to the negative energy surrounds her for whoever comes near her presence, but never for a minute has she opened her mouth to express what is it that bothers her! She has so far been to more than six jobs but has under no circumstances stayed up to 3 months on a single job…not that she got fired; surprisingly all the companies still want her to date but she chose to voluntarily quit. I would try to understand if she could have gone to being self-employed but none of that has ever happened. She definitely needs help’. Sadly explained Halima.
Suzanne; (25) is the second out of three children in Mr. Mmari’s family who is not only educated and gifted daughter but beautiful with humbleness yet unhappy soul due to her mother’s endless and unintended curses she receives on a daily basis.
Our magazine could no longer remained calm upon Halima’s alarming concern on Suzanne, so we immediately called her through a mobile phone. After few failed call attempts of trying to reach her, we decided to make a special visit to her home at Kunduchi where she is currently residing with her aunty without the parents’ knowledge… be minded she has been living with her parents for the past twenty five years except for the last two months. Thus it was expected for them to know where the daughter is currently because this is Africa where it is normal for a grown up child regardless her old age to live with parents before marriage.
The following was a brief but effective conversation a Tanzanienne writer has had with Suzanne which happened after consulting her last employer who had well wholeheartedly cooperated and informed Suzanne on our arrival:
Tanzanienne: Thank you for having me, how are you doing!
Suzanne: (With a wounded tone voice) it is my pleasure, I am okay
Tanzanienne: It is Thursday and you are not at work, why?
Suzanne: mmh…I have not been well
Tanzanienne: What is wrong?
Suzanne: Many things
Tanzanienne: Please talk to me
Suzanne: (sighed) I don’t know where to flinch, but I will just tell you whatever approaches my mind. I am an isolated little girl living in a 25 years old lonely lady’s weak body. I have been referred to all evil names and characters you may have ever heard in your life; to the family members and strangers. I could wear up to the maximum of six ugliness in a day from being called crazy to stupid, mediocre, incompetent, failure and all other terms you know that can kill your self-esteem in a second. My well-being has been put in a stake throughout my life. I earn no respect from nobody and it hurts even more when I experience it from my own younger sister because you know how important the respect is in our country especially if there is an age gap. I sometimes don’t want to blame her because she learns it all from my mother. My mother is literally allowing her to disrespect me whenever she gossips about me with her. All along I have been a scape goat to the entire family and other relatives thinking I could get their acceptance and approval but I am regretting my precious wasted time.
I was made to believe that my mindset has been possessed by devils so I was taken to consult different witchdoctors and fortune-tellers but not hospital. All this was my once beloved mother’s doing to make me believe that she cared for but the reality is she was slowly but surely destroying me. Suzanne explained
Tanzanienne: This is deep Suzanne, but one thing I am sure of is you will get through this and being able to stand on your feet again. You need to identify your weak points and take them as strength to seek help for your mental health. Find a trustable close family member to share all your troubles with, then request for a family meeting because it is possible your mother is unaware of how you feel. You shall be healed in due time.
It always all starts with the parent’s tendency of comparing their kids. Comparison is a thief of all happiness especially for human beings unless it is done to machines or the things which cannot perform without a man’s command and intelligence. However; it appears to be a useful tool for many parents whenever they want to correct or motivate their children…or maybe they are missing out what it real means by motivation.
It is human nature to make comparison but it is an equal importance to reconsider that doing so among siblings always leaves negative impacts because these are two separate individuals who may have shared the DNA but are absolutely different personalities and should be celebrated accordingly.
by Khadija Amri
The Tanzanian Times 